Vote For Pedro
Vote for Pedro and dreams come true
By Brian Gardiner
(Jan 26, 2006)Vote for Pedro. I did a double take, confirming that my eyes weren't playing a trick on me.
In the middle of one of Canada's most bitter, most divisive election campaigns, there it stood. On a Hespeler street, amid the clutter of Janko Peric and Gary Goodyear lawn signs, stood a simple white sign with black letters.
Vote for Pedro.
It was a moment of pure levity in the middle of the first winter campaign in more than 20 years; humour where it was least expected. Yet my next thought was also unexpected: Why not vote for Pedro?
Canada's electoral history is full of fringe candidates and parties. The most famous, and humourous, was the Rhinoceros Party of Canada. The Rhinos were a registered federal party in Canada from 1963 until 1993. They ran in every federal election in those years, on a platform they described as "two feet high and made of wood".
Promises made by the Rhinoceros Party included repeal the law of gravity and reduce the speed of light, add illiteracy as Canada's third official language and annex the United States.
Modern federal parties took a page from the Rhino platform when they promised to legalize pot. Unusually, the Rhinos also promised to legalize pans, spatulas and other utensils.
More poignantly, the Rhinos also promised that if elected they would break every promise and immediately demand a recount. Who says voter cynicism is new?
The recent election had its own fringe parties.
The Natural Law Party argues that heightened personal consciousness is the panacea for Canada's political and social problems.
The Marijuana Party of Canada is running on the single issue of legalizing pot. No mention in their literature of whisks or espresso makers.
Compare that to what Pedro, from the movie Napoleon Dynamite, offers voters. He has "a sweet bike, he's really good at hooking up with chicks, plus he is the only guy at school who has a mustache". His platform?
"Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true."
Now at the end of the current election, with the two main leaders arguing over a ban of weapons in space, whether homosexuals should be allowed to wed and whose tax cuts are favoured amongst which economists, doesn't Pedro's simple one-sentence platform say it better?
Vote for Pedro? Why not.
It is my second go at guest column, the first time being:
Mom No Longer Remembers Christmas
posted by Brian at 18:31
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