NAAFA

The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance held their annual convention recently. Outrage was sparked at the event when attendees discovered that a sponsor had provided "stair-masters" as door prizes. One could say that things only went down hill from there.

There was a serious backlog at the elevators because they could lift only 3 attendees at a time instead of the usual 12. At one point, attendees tried to make the elevator work while carrying 5 people which caused it to stall between floors. A local firefighter was amazed when he arrived on the scene.

"We got the doors open to the point where these individuals could jump up and out but they couldn't get themselves out. They couldn't jump up. We had to send a rookie in to give 'em a boost. That wasn't the worst part though. As soon as Steve got into the elevator he learned that chili was part of the buffet. He was boosting this one chick from behind and she broke wind right in his face. Bugger almost passed out as a result."

Management at the Marriott hotel where the event was held were not impressed either.

"We had to control traffic in the hallways. Two of these individuals attempted to pass each other on one of the upper floors and became wedged. It got to the point where we had to herd them like cattle." Said an un-named source.

She continued, "We generally love conventions, they generally provide a lot of revenue for us. This one lost us money though. We didn't know what the NAAFA was when we quoted our pricing and subsequently booked the event. Our catering costs were triple what we billed. Broken chairs cost us $1,600.00 alone. Broken chairs!"

Hotel management is currently looking at options for recovering costs but it doesn't look hopefull. When they brought their concerns up to the NAAFA they were told that they were being discriminatory and that the NAAFA would be filing a lawsuit if any legal action was taken against them.

To make matters worse, the hotel now has to have engineers assess whether any structural damage was done as attendees had been dancing in the second level ball room. "Everything was fine." Our source said, "Then the DJ decided to play "Jump" by Van Halen. It shook the lights above the registration desk loose." The registration desk is directly below the ballroom.

The hotel has instituted a policy of thoroughly checking on the background of all associations booking conventions in the future our source has told us but it may have been implemented too late as the NBA (National Boulimic Association) has already been slotted in for next month.

"It's going to be terrible" said our source. "All these people are going to do is eat and then puke. We'll never get rid of the smell."

Update: We received an e-mail stating that the little bearded guy in the second picture is our very own commentor "Ti-Guy". Can anyone verify that?